I’ll Stick with Water, Thanks
I’ve been sober more than two years. These are the questions I answer most.
I was at a Friendsgiving celebration. We’d finished all the punch and all the wine, and we’d moved on to beer. I was still having fun, but beginning to dread returning to my routine after five days of gluttony and revelry. I thought about my looming struggle to compensate for a hangover at work.
That’s when I realized I wasn’t really having fun anymore. I decided to take a couple weeks off, to dry out. Just to see if I could.
That was more than two years ago. Since then I’ve answered a lot of questions — internally and externally. These are the ones I hear most.
Did you have a drinking problem?
That depends: what do you consider a problem? I didn’t need to check in to a facility or attend any meetings. My drinking wasn’t hurting anyone other than myself. I wasn’t chemically dependent, but I definitely drank my feelings. I wasn’t a daily drinker, but I could put back more than a person my size probably should. Drinking, even socially, was interfering with my ability to fully participate in my own life. Was I a “full-blown alcoholic?” Nah. But I do think I had a problem. Others might not agree. It’s not a contest.
Can you have fun without drinking?
Mardi Gras, Jazzfest, Memphis in May. A homestand at Wrigley Field and a humid July evening at Fenway Park. Two entire college football seasons and two NBA seasons (playoffs included). Several concerts. A beach trip. Three New Year’s Eves. All these events and more, I have endured sober. I had fun! And I remember everything.
How do you decompress and de-stress when stuff goes down?
Go for a run. Go shopping. Eat a whole pizza. Go to the gym and pump away my problems. Text a friend. Lie on the couch and watch Friends reruns on TBS until I fall asleep. Read. Write. Read about writing. Soak in the bathtub for two hours. I even meditate a little. Despite my tendency to overanalyze and overthink everything, processing with a clear mind has been more effective than my old method, Self-Medicating with Wine.
So many social activities revolve around drinking. What do you do?
I still go out, though not as much as I used to. But I’m not sure if that’s because I don’t drink, or because I’m getting older. I drink La Croix at tailgates, mocktails at restaurants, and water or Coke Zero everywhere else.
I become invisible at bars the moment I order club soda with lime or a Sugar-Free Red Bull, so I’ve gotten hangry waiting for a chance to order some chicken tenders. But as a former server/bartender myself, I can respect the desire to focus on more profitable customers.
One piece of advice, if you’re thinking of becoming a teetotaler: If your friends like to hang out at bars, things will be awkward. They’ll be annoying after about an hour. If you can still bear to be around them, congratulations! They’re your true friends. You’ll get used to it eventually.
Is this permanent? Will you start back up?
Maybe! Sometimes I miss champagne. But I’ve been abstaining so long I worry how my body would react. One sip would probably wreck me. My waning ability to bounce back after a night out was a big reason I quit. Actually, yeah, I miss champagne, but not that much. I’ll stick with Topo Chico when I need something fizzy.
How did people react when you told them?
For the first month or so, most assumed I either was pregnant or was intending to become pregnant. After they realized I was, for real, just not drinking, they were impressed. Some friends have told me seeing me out having fun without getting buzzed has inspired them to evaluate their own habits and cut back themselves. Others just hand me their keys.
Have you lost weight?
Excuuuuse you, rude. I don’t weigh myself, so I can’t say for sure, but probably. Here’s why: even the least caloric alcoholic beverage adds empty calories to your daily intake. If you eat healthy and exercise, but then you go out and pound five 96-calorie vodka waters, it’s as if all the burpees and mountain climbers you did in HIIT class or the five miles you ran on the treadmill never happened. Plus, drinking leads to unhealthy choices – like hitting the Taco Bell drive-thru at 3 a.m. and skipping a workout to sleep off a hangover.
What’s the weirdest thing you experienced?
I developed a sweet tooth. I crave treats. Guess everybody’s got to have a vice.
Seeing the world clear-eyed has made me more self-aware, and has helped me better understand the reasons I drank in the first place. At the same time, it’s made me self-conscious. I remember every happy moment, but I also remember every uncomfortable conversation and dumb mistake. I’m still learning how to let those go.
